I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
