Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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