tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
