Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
