I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
