im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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