Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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