He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
