Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize