Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
