why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
