Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
