I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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