dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
