I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
