I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
