I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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