sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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