i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
MIDGETS
????
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
