It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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