I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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