I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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