Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
