shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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