as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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