I like my sex mixed with concussions.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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