Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
