I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
