Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am midnight drunk by noon
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
