So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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