If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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