I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize