He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
