at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
