the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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