Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
