i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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