drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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