You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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