we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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