you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
