This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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