Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
jump out the window naked night went bad
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