she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
