I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
