Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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