On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
