R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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