I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He did a backflip because drugs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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