You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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