Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
