and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
