i think my tv is drunk
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
