she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize