If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
