The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
