new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
