Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
