Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize