Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
