God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
