They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
