im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
