You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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