I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
