I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
