Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
