I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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