I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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