I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
