I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize