I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
