Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
