Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
