I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
