Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
