she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize