Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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