i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
