last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
