Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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