we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
