Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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