Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
