Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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