I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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