i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
