good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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