I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
