from now on my penis is your penis
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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