I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
