I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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