Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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