apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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