You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
