my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
